[24th consult]

[dr_conscience]

There used to be a time when I had hope in the most hopeless of situations, when I found comfort in just being there for people who knew they were dying. I tried my damnedest, but sometimes there just wasn't a thing you could do to stop it. Make them comfortable, ease their pain, sure... sometimes you could delay the inevitable, but sooner or later, it catches up with most of them. But I still had hope, still felt like I was making a difference...

But I couldn't do that anymore. Not once things changed. What I had was taken from me, not by a disease, but by a person. A person that, to this day, I still don't know the identity of. What I was doing mattered, sure, but I couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't get up and go to work and face these people, tell them there was hope, or ease their pain. They'd already given up, and I was just in the trenches. I wasn't pioneering research or organizing experimental new procedures, wasn't doing anything vital to the field. So I left.

I guess the amount of death I deal with on a daily basis hasn't changed, but it's not the same now. I'm not fighting my battles with drugs and radiation, experimental therapies, or hoping to get some poor dying soul for whom nothing has worked into a clinical trial, the latest desperate maneuver of a research team fighting in vain against something we can only just begin to understand.

I save more lives now. And when I can't, I've actually got a chance of making the killer pay.

... well, there's an involved reverie for you. All inspired by the guy I get my coffee from calling me "Dr. Wilson" this morning. It's been a long time since I've answered to that. I'm not sure how he even got wind of it - not here.

Not that it matters. I've got things to do. A city to protect. It may not be the city I know, but it's the one I've got now.


[ooc: Genre switch!! ... which means I need to post in a day or so with Wilson actually being Wilson. He left medicine when his third wife was murdered (Yay, it didn't end in divorce for once! \o/) and became a cop. Yes. He's a rough cop on the edge with nothing left to lose. What the hell is wrong with me? I blame this. ALSO HE'S OUT PATROLLING SO FEEL FREE TO ACTION.]

Comments

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

So this is funny to you now? I really hope you're cursed with something.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'm not joking. I don't remember.

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

... my wife was murdered, and I still don't know who did it or why.

1/2

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Which wife?

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

Julie.

My third wife.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

But now you're trying to avenge her?

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

It's not quite vengeance. It's just hard to give hope, to keep up the reassurances, with people who have often given up when you've run out of your own. I'm not naive; I know, always knew, that people died and the responsible parties weren't always brought to justice. But it's different when it happens to you.

I don't know... sometimes it feels like I might help her be at peace if I get justice for enough people. It's not the same as bringing her killer to justice, but it helps other people... keeps them from going through the same thing.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

You don't think she could rest easy knowing you helped people hope for something? That's how she knew you.

That and you couldn't shoot to incapacitate a fly.

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she could have. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Couldn't is the past tense. Though a fly is a very small, moving target. Probably not the best choice for that statement.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Surprisingly enough, I understand.

Did you have to start being this literal to get the job? You've actually shot someone?

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

Do you?

Shot, yes... not killed, thankfully. It's not an experience I particularly enjoyed, either.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Not being able to give other people hope you didn't have anymore? I understand it.

So now you're putting people in the ER.

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

Sorry. I know it's not a great feeling.

Not just random, innocent people; they're criminals, Chase. In fact, I've shot one person, he'd just killed someone and was shooting at us. He recovered fully, and I still hate the fact that I had to do it.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Turned me into a doctor.

You'll have to do it again, maybe he won't recover this time. Think you'll be able to be at peace with yourself over it? None of those families are going to thank you for breaking the bad news.

[crimes-chemo.livejournal.com]

There are worse things to wind up as, aren't there? You're good at it, at least.

I'll deal with it when I have to. You don't think I didn't get the entire lecture when I first decided to leave, do you?

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I-- Thank you.

I think the lecture when you decided to leave involved a lot more metaphor and veiled begging.

ATE MY COMMENT

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I-- Thank you.

I think the lecture when you decided to leave involved a lot more metaphor and veiled begging.